The Decline and Fall of Milo and Otis, or, Why I Hate Talking Animal Movies

I was sitting with my sister at Prince Caspian the other night, and we saw the teaser trailer for the upcoming Disney live action/CG/travesty, "Chihuahua Somethingorother." I fought the urge to throw my Subway bag at the screen and walk out in frustration and wound up exchanging vexed glances with my sister. Someone behind me muttered "they're getting desperate." I agree.

There was a time (about 1994, to be precise) when talking animal movies were well done despite the virtual nonexistence of CG'ed lip syncing for our furry companions. What happened? Crappy writing happened. The reason talking animal movies suck these days is because as a rule most movies marketed towards children are complete drivel (and talking animal movies are an unfortunate subset). This is not to say that all examples of the aforementioned genre are recycle bin-bound, as there have been some movies in the past few years that are outstanding on both a production value standpoint and a storytelling standpoint (Finding Nemo comes to mind, which always struck me as a sort of urbane Land Before Time).

However, most of the talking animal films produced and marketed are appealing to a consumer base that most of Hollywood considers incapable of understanding morality in film and production value. I think one of the most significant boons of the early 90's "children's" films and television shows was that there was a commensurate effort to see that all presentations had a degree of good morality wrapped into them--and I'm speaking of the "hey, these are timeless values that you should live by" morality, not the "hey, you're your own person so you get to do whatever you like and no one can get in your way" which is the kind of morality a lot of television shows and films are trying to sell to our kids.

I'm 19. I don't have kids and I don't plan on having them anytime soon. However, I do understand messages, and I do remember what it was like to be a child. That's why I can go back and watch things I watched as a child (Animaniacs--perhaps one of the most Christian cartoons ever made--Land Before Time, Beauty and the Beast, Hercules, &c.) and remember the lessons they taught me during their prime. I won't go so far as to say that cartoons and movies are formative experiences that have the power to turn a child into Pol Pot or Saint Augustine, but I will say that they provide the foundation that a lot of kids will grow up with. That foundation will likely effect the way children perceive messages in media.

Why do you think kids act like such little retards these days? That's not to say I didn't perform my share of shenanigans when I was a kid, but it seems a heck of a lot worse. I'm of the opinion that every kid should have older movies as part of their media diet--let's be honest, who didn't watch such films as Sleeping Beauty and Robin Hood and other such "antiquated" works?

Sidebar: There was just a promo on ABC, and the catch line was "Where can you see Usher?" I swore they were going to respond "Only in Kenya."